Caring better, not less 

“Please yourself!” What’s your first reaction to this?  Maybe it sounds a bit rude or even selfish? 

But sometimes we do need to please ourselves.  By that, I mean, looking after our own interests as well as those of others, if we want to be able to carry on and find ways to keep even enjoying our job. 

What do we mean by ‘people pleasing?’ 

If you’re a typical doctor, then you care about others and find it rewarding to help people.  

People pleasing, however, is when we consistently put the needs of others above our own.  We find it hard to express our own needs and say sorry when we’ve done nothing wrong. 

Psychotherapist, Emma Reed Turrell, in her book, “Please Yourself’ describes people-pleasing as ‘anxiety in action’ – anxious about the reactions of others which we try to control with appeasement. 

Why is it important to recognise? 

You’re probably  finding that your job has changed. Patients are often stuck on hospital waiting lists, with understandable frustration. Workload has increased and complaints are on the rise.  

Research shows that doctors have always found it hard to ask for help for themselves but with burnout and sickness absence at record highs, it’s urgent that we do also consider ourselves. 

What are the signs of people pleasing? 

• Often feeling anger and resentment 
• Doing things to avoid having to deal with the reactions of others 
• Addiction to dopamine hits of warmth and gratitude when pleasing others 
• Feeling good enough being conditional on other’s say-so 
• Other people’s needs are greater than your own 

What to do about people pleasing? 

1. Recognise it 

It may be about we’ve been too nervous to feed back to a colleague about their habit of work dumps.  Or maybe we’ve been asked one too many times to pick up someone else’s child from school at the last minute.  

2. Notice your reaction 

Are you feeling resentful or guilty?  Is this something you can and want to do and should as part of your job?  Are you feeling unusually anxious about the other person’s reaction? 

3. Start by setting boundaries 

These don’t have to be ‘all guns blazing’ and becoming the unhelpful one.  But if we are people-pleasing, it’s highly likely there are some places where we SHOULD set boundaries.  

Otherwise we are not looking after ourselves – and we may even end up enabling other people’s problems by taking on too much of their stuff.  

Ending  people pleasing tendencies doesn’t mean that we stop caring.  

It means we care better, not less.  

You can still go the extra mile but you can also save your precious energy for the right time. 

That’s a relief, isn’t it?! 

I work with exhausted doctors to help you prioritise yourself and rescue your career. If you would like to get your energy back, avoid the drama and get great boundaries in place, email me at hello@drclairedavies.co.uk or book straight into my diary here.