Many health professionals find boundary setting hard. We’ve been conditioned all of our lives that patients come first. Our communication skills training also does not include healthy boundaries. 

In challenging times, setting boundaries has become essential in order to help us help ourselves to remain in service to others for the long term. 

Otherwise the risks are burnout, ill health, time off sick and making unwanted decisions to leave our careers. 

“Just say no.” 

Many people give out this advice, however this is not enough if saying no isn’t easy.  Some people are naturals, have a style that isn’t easily challenged and hold a position with more authority. 

Others find it difficult.  

If boundaries are something we find difficult, fear not, it is simply another skill to learn.  

Five steps to mastering boundaries

1. Identify where we can make changes 

Many things are not in our control: who walks through the door, how the boss behaves, what the weather is doing today. 

We do have control over many, much smaller things in our day: how we go about our work, how we interact and respond to people and patients, what extra things we take on. 

It is best to start with something small. 

2.  Begin with a YES 

Saying no usually means we are saying yes to something else.  

It may be: more time on the career tasks that really matter to us, focussing on a palliative care patient or just stepping outside for fresh air.  

Being very clear on what we are saying YES to brings our brains into a positive frame of mind for success.  

3. Communicate

Assertive communication is clear, concise and respectful. 

Adopting a mindset of ‘I’m ok, you’re ok’ is key.  This is not a test of one-upmanship or a battle of minds. 

Listen to the other person’s point of view and acknowledge them.  

Use an upright posture with relaxed body language. 

Offer a compromise if necessary. 

Avoid going into a lengthy discourse over the reasons why you are saying no - this just leaves an open door for the other party to try to leverage the situation with ‘yes but.’  

4.  Coping with ‘pushback’ 

However well we communicate, the other person’s response is out of our control. 

They may be upset and that shows in their response. 

They may also have default communication styles that are not always respectful. 

Responses can take many forms from ignoring us, aggression, passive-aggression or manipulation. 

It can help us to note that this is their choice to do so – it’s not about us. 

There are many ways to respond to this but a very simple one is to gently but firmly hold our ground.

5. Review and learn from progress 

This is learning a new skill – so don’t be despondent if your first efforts don’t always pay off.  

Each time you try something new, look at what you think went well and what you could do differently next time.  

Be kind and compassionate to yourself in the process.  If you’re feeling a little disheartened, just ask yourself what you would say to a friend going through the same process.  This is a good trick to unlock a kind response to yourself.  

Remember to also celebrate your progress. 

I work with exhausted doctors to help you prioritise yourself and rescue your career.  

Book a call about working together here.